Staying active

'Joy of ageing' poetry competition runner-up Janet Jenkins:

"I recently turned sixty and although I'm sometimes told I don't look or act my age‚ I'm beginning to notice the signs of ageing. Humour is the best way of dealing with this rude awakening."
 

The Joy of Ageing!

Iron out my wrinkles.
Remove my varicose veins.
Scrape away my warts and corns.
Rejuvenate my brain.

Pass me my rubber ring‚
My haemorrhoids are chronic.
My joints are arthritic –
I wish I were bionic!

Adjust my hearing aid‚
I cannot hear a thing!
And switch on Songs of Praise‚
So I can have a sing.

I love to have a warble
And I give it what for!
But I have to take care‚
Or my teeth fall on the floor!

I wish I had veneers‚
Perfect and pearly white‚
Pert non-sagging breasts
And another foot in height!

I know Jesus loves me‚
The bible tells me so‚
But I don’t love myself
And I’m feeling very low.

I don’t like being old.
I’m thirty in my head‚
But I’d rather be seventy
Than the alternative – dead!

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