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Information & advice
Going solo
You can download our free information guide from the top right corner of this screen or click on the links below.
Separating from your partner
If you have recently separated from your partner‚ you may need to get legal advice on reaching an agreement about your property‚ finances and living arrangements. If you are married or in a civil partnership‚ you may be facing the possibility of getting a divorce or dissolution of the civil partnership. You should see a solicitor about this.
If you and your partner were not married or in a civil partnership‚ it may still be necessary or helpful to see a solicitor to reach a formal agreement. Sometimes an initial meeting with a solicitor can be enough to help you sort things out yourself. If you have children or grandchildren who live with you‚ it may be more important to get specialist advice. You can create a Deed of Separation that records your final agreement as a legal document‚ although this is not legally required.
Mediation can help you and your partner to reach an agreement without the need for a court hearing. It is possible to use a mediator without involving a solicitor‚ but it may still be necessary to use a solicitor to advise you of your legal rights and to finalise the agreement you reach with your partner. If you already have a solicitor you can ask them about mediation and they should be able to arrange this for you.
Resolution is the association of specialist family solicitors. You can contact them to find a specialist solicitor in your area.
This guide does not go into detail about what to do in the first few days after someone dies. Deaths should be registered within five days – usually by a relative but someone else can do it if there is no relative available. You should take the doctor’s certificate showing the cause of death to the Registrar of Births‚ Marriages and Deaths for the district where the death occurred. You can find the address in the phone book or from a doctor‚ local council‚ post office or police station. The Registrar will issue the death certificate.
If you are named in the deceased’s will as the executor of their estate you will need to apply for a grant of probate. If there is no will‚ or the person named as executor does not want to‚ or cannot carry out the role‚ it will be necessary for someone to apply for a grant of letters of administration. If the deceased was your spouse or civil partner‚ or if they left all or the remainder of their estate to you‚ you will be entitled to apply. If there is no will‚ you will need to seek legal advice about how the estate should be distributed.
See Age Concern info guides
What to do when someone dies and
Putting your affairs in order
or in the Department for Work and Pensions booklet Ref: D49.
Probate forms available from the
Probate & Inheritance Tax helpline.
Reviewing your financial position
There are some things you can do at an early stage to organise your money. Try to sort out your household bills as soon as possible. Make sure they are in your name and do not pay bills you are not liable for‚ such as someone else’s credit card (unless this is in joint names). It might be worth checking whether there are any insurance policies that pay out after a death.
Look at what you have coming in and work out what you need to live on. Try to work out a realistic budget including money for social outings‚ presents‚ and so on. It sometimes helps to keep a spending diary. Look for ways you can make savings too‚ for example switching fuel or telephone suppliers.
If you are finding it difficult to manage and are getting into debt there are a number of specialist advisers who can help – see ‘Useful organisations’. See Age Concern’s information guides:
Planning your retirement income‚
Making the most of your money
Financial help in retirement.
If you only get a small state pension and have been widowed you may be able to use your late spouse’s or civil partner’s National Insurance (NI) contribution record to increase your pension. In some cases divorced people can do the same.
If you are widowed you may also be able to inherit some of your late spouse’s or civil partner’s occupational pension‚ if they had one.
If you are now living on your own you should be able to get 25% off your Council Tax bill. You may also be entitled to other benefits. There are two main types of benefits: means-tested and non means-tested. Means-tested benefits are paid to people whose income and savings fall within certain limits. These benefits include Pension Credit‚ Housing Benefit (for help with rent) and Council Tax Benefit. If you qualify for these you may then get other help‚ for example with health costs. Some other benefits paid for care needs such as Disability Living Allowance and Attendance Allowance are non means-tested – that is‚ paid regardless of income or savings.
Chase up any pensions you may be able to inherit. Get a benefit check from a local advice agency such as Age Concern or Citizens Advice Bureau.
Help from charities of benevolent funds
If you have claimed everything you are entitled to and are still finding it difficult to manage‚ you could try asking for help from charities. Help might be available either as a lump sum or regular weekly payments.
Benevolent funds help people in particular circumstances. Some‚ for example‚ are based on your occupation (or former occupation) or that of your former partner. Others are based on particular health problems or disabilities‚ or may help if you are a member of a trade union or have a particular religious belief.
Contact a local advice agency for help in approaching charities. See A guide to grants for individuals in need at your local library. Contact the Association of Charity Officers.
‘My Harry was a fireman before he retired. After he died I was put in touch with the Fire Service National Benevolent Fund. They gave me a grant to pay up some outstanding bills and they top up my pension with a small weekly amount which makes such a difference.’
After a divorce or bereavement‚ you may be worried about staying in your present home‚ either because you are not sure what your legal rights are or because you think it is going to be difficult to manage on your own.Moving home is a big step and can be emotionally and physically demanding. If you prefer to stay in your present home‚ you may be able to do so by solving some legal‚ financial and practical problems.
In most cases you have some rights to keep your home‚ even if it is in your partner’s name only. You may be able to stay temporarily or permanently‚ or have it transferred to your name.
If you are worried about paying for your home remember that the change in your circumstances may entitle you to benefits that could help with housing costs and day-to-day running. If you are getting behind with your mortgage payments you may be able to negotiate a reduced mortgage payment with the lending company.
You may also be able to obtain financial help with repairs‚ improvements and adaptations to your home from your local council.
Contact Age Concern or Citizens Advice Bureau for info regarding benefits‚ grants and your legal rights. Contact your local Home Improvement Agency for advice. See info guides:
Help with care in your own home
Choices in retirement housing.
Getting used to life on your own can be as challenging practically as it is emotionally. Suddenly household duties that may have been shared are now your responsibility alone.
The important first step is to make a list of everything that needs doing. From ironing to paying bills‚ preparing meals to hoovering‚ list every duty involved in maintaining your household.
Once you have your duties listed in front of you‚ the next step is to prioritise. What is important to you? What are your most pressing responsibilities? What are your daily duties‚ and what only needs to be done once a week? For example‚ preparing meals is a regular task‚ while cleaning the bath is a less frequent necessity. If there seems to be too much to do‚ contact your local Age Concern. They may be able to advise on home help‚ both paid and voluntary.
Once you have prioritised your workload‚ set a schedule and keep to it! A schedule can apply to everything‚ from preparing food and cleaning your house‚ to paying bills and keeping appointments. As soon as you receive a bill‚ plan in your diary to pay it 10 days in advance. This will keep you organised and give you an excellent payment history. Work out how long each duty will take‚ and‚ most important of all‚ do not cram duties into your schedule – leave some room to put your feet up!
Write a schedule and keep to it! Contact Age Concern for reliable information on anything from finding a plumber to help with preparing meals.
When Denise’s husband died two years ago‚ she was left completely on her own. Her daughter had married in Australia‚ and her son returned to his job in Germany after the funeral… ‘For weeks my friends and neighbours kept popping by‚ but I refused to see them. Usually quite social and outgoing I was feeling too tired and too depressed to speak to anyone.
‘My GP persuaded me to phone my local Age Concern. After a brief chat‚ I went along to see what they were up to and within weeks I had signed up to a local cooking group. Someone I met there persuaded me to take up rowing‚ something I had always wanted to do. Being the oldest in the rowing club has not stopped me – I now go twice a week. I have also set up my own cooking group with some local friends. We meet three times a week‚ sometimes with as many as 12 people cooking and eating together.
‘Getting out of the house helped me to move on. I met a lot of new people‚ and realised the world I was missing. I am now planning to sell my house for something smaller and more manageable‚ and might even be persuaded to take an internet course at Age Concern. Think of all those recipes I could get – and all for free!’
Healthy eating
Eating a balanced diet and keeping a healthy weight help you to stay well‚ and feel and look healthy. If you are used to caring for a household or having meals prepared for you‚ shopping and cooking for yourself can be a challenge.
The following tips may help you.
- Start the day with a good breakfast such as fruit juice and wholegrain cereal with milk.
- Plan ahead with the next few meals in mind. Then you will not be tempted to fall back on biscuits‚ cakes or savoury snacks.
- Base your meal around starchy foods – pasta‚ bread‚ chapatti‚ potatoes or rice. Choose wholegrain where you can.
- Aim for five portions of a variety of fruit and vegetables each day. Do not feel you must have fresh vegetables – frozen are as good and easier to store.
- A sandwich made with wholegrain bread‚ a savoury filling‚ tomato and lettuce can be just as nourishing as a cooked meal.
- Store-cupboard items that can make quick‚ nourishing meals for one include dried pasta‚ pasta sauce in a jar‚ canned baked beans‚ corned beef and canned fish.
- With very little preparation and a slow cooker‚ you can make stews and other one-pot meals. Make more than you need and freeze portions for another day.
- Look for single portions of chilled or frozen meals you can heat in the microwave.
- Ask at your library about ‘cooking for one’ cookbooks and if there are local classes for single cooks.
- Start your own lunch club with a couple of friends and take it in turns to cook for each other.
For more information about healthy eating‚ ask at your GP practice or contact the Food Standards Agency to request a copy of 'The good life'. See Age Concern’s guide Healthy living.
‘My wife died six months ago. After the funeral‚ my family flew back to Pakistan and my children returned to their jobs. I was faced with a new life. Throughout my marriage my wife had prepared the meals and managed the household‚ and now I felt stuck. Shopping was an effort – not only because I did not have a car‚ but also because I did not know the ingredients to any meals.
‘I read a guide like this one and phoned my local Age Concern. They put me in touch with a nearby meals-on-wheels service and also told me about a lunch club that met twice a week. I was reluctant to go – feeling embarrassed by my lack of cooking experience – but I soon took to it. Bit by bit I learnt from my new friends.
‘I now host my own lunches and have learned what good food can do. I buy all my ingredients from the local market and my family send me spices from back home. Cooking has become a real part of my life‚ it fills the day and I love it. It makes me feel great too.’
It often becomes harder to manage household tasks as you get older‚ due to illness or a disability. If you lose the support and assistance of your partner or carer‚ any problems you are having may become increasingly hard to deal with.
If you are already receiving a service from the local authority‚ it may be advisable to request another assessment of your needs in light of your new situation. If you have not previously had any contact with the local authority‚ you may wish to contact them and request an assessment.
The types of services provided by a local authority include home carers‚ meals on wheels‚ assistance if you need a residential placement‚ equipment and adaptations – these all help you to remain living in your own home. There are also services such as the Handyperson scheme that assist with small repairs and reduce risks in the home. Lunch clubs can also be a very social means of enjoying eating healthily.
Some of these services are means-tested and others are provided free of charge. Your local Age Concern can help you find out what is available.
Your local Age Concern has info about sources of assistance or your local Social Services‚ you can find their details in your local phone book. Age Concern’s Info Guide Adapting your home is also very helpful.
One thing to remember in times of grief is that you are allowed to deal with it in your own way and in your own time. It is generally accepted that sharing your feelings with others is a helpful process‚ but do not feel under any pressure to talk if you do not want to.
Your family and friends are a natural source of emotional support but‚ for many people‚ are not available. If this is the case‚ there are other options as outlined below.
- A GP can help with symptoms such as sleeplessness‚ anxiety or depression that are often associated with grief‚ prescribing drugs if necessary.
- Professional counselling can help you to vent your emotions‚ which may well be more confused than just grief. It is recommended as a means of exploring your thoughts and allowing you to come closer to some sort of resolution. Because there is no attempt‚ or need‚ to censor what you say‚ it provides a welcome opportunity to get everything off your chest. The same applies for any one of the bereavement societies across England.
- There is also a large network of websites‚ and chat forums‚ where it may be easier to say what you really feel because you can have total freedom and anonymity. These websites and chat forums are very popular‚ and it can be a great help to speak to people who have shared similar experiences.
Contact the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy or Cruse Bereavement Care but only when you feel ready.
It can take time to adjust to major changes in your life. Consider the following questions as a first step towards trying and achieving something on your own.
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Are there activities you have done in the past and would like to do again?
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Are there some activities you have never done but would like to try?
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Would it help if you could take up an activity with someone else? If so‚ do you know someone with a similar ambition?
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Have you ever thought of volunteering? Do you have skills that could help other people? Helping others (when you feel able to do this) can concentrate your mind on other things and remind you that you‚ too‚ have something to offer.
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Would your health benefit if you were more active? Joining an exercise class or walking group is also a good way to meet new people. If you have a particular health condition‚ there may be a local support group.
Contact your local Age Concern for details of local activities‚ groups and volunteering opportunities. The website http://www.do-it.org.uk/ will also help you identify local volunteering opportunities.
Juliana eventually divorced her husband at the age of 67. Having spent most of her days giving him lifts‚ tidying the house and preparing meals‚ she suddenly had time on her hands… ‘A close friend suggested that I go to our local Age Concern and find out about local volunteering opportunities. After a brief interview‚ I now help run a charity gallery that teaches children how to communicate with paint.
‘It’s hard to think that just seven months before this I was trapped in a situation. Now I meet new people and do new things virtually every day! It’s exhilarating!’
Age Concern
Find details of your nearest local Age Concern on our site or call the Age Concern Information Line on 0800 00 99 66 (free call). In the rest of the UK‚ contact your national Age Concern office (see below).
Age Concern Northern Ireland
Tel: 028 9024 5729 (national call rate)
Age Concern Scotland (Scottish Helpline for Older People)
Tel: 0845 125 9732 (lo-call rate)
Age Concern Cymru
Tel: 029 2043 1555 (national call rate)
Association of Charity Officers
The national umbrella body for charities that provide aid and advice to individuals in need. It also provides a helpline service for people looking for charitable assistance.
Tel: 01707 651777 (national call rate)
British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy
A leading professional body for counselling and psychotherapy – a good reference point for anyone seeking information.
Tel: 0870 443 5252 (national call rate)
Carers UK
General help and advice for all carers.
Tel: 0808 808 7777 (free call)
Citizens Advice Bureau (CAB)
National network of free advice centres. For details of your local CAB call 020 7833 2181 (this national call rate number gives local contact details only‚ not advice).
Commission for Social Care Inspection (CSCI)
Responsible for registering and inspecting care services in England. CSCI can also provide contact details for equivalent organisations in Northern Ireland‚ Scotland and Wales.
Helpline: 0845 015 0120 (lo-call rate)
Cruse Bereavement Care
A counselling and advice service for bereaved people that also offers advice‚ information and practical support.
Tel: 0844 477 9400 (lo-call rate)
Department for Work and Pensions (DWP)
For details of what to do after someone dies in England and Wales or to download the D49 booklet.
Disabled Living Foundation
Runs an equipment demonstration centre‚ provides information about equipment for daily living and a specialist advice service on clothing.
Tel: 0845 130 9177 (lo-call rate)
do-it.org.uk
A national database for volunteer work.
Tel: 020 7250 5700 (national call rate)
Food Standards Agency
Independent government department concerned with the safety of food and providing impartial advice on healthy eating. Call 0845 606 0667 (lo-call rate) to request a copy of The good life – the Food Standards Agency’s healthy eating leaflet for the over 50s.
Tel: 020 7276 8000 (national call rate)
Home Improvement Agency (HIA)
Home Improvement Agencies are not-for-profit‚ locally based organisations that assist vulnerable homeowners or private-sector tenants who are older‚ disabled or on a low income to repair‚ improve‚ maintain or adapt their home. Foundations is the national coordinating body. To find your local HIA telephone the Foundations head office on 01457 891909 (national call rate).
National Centre for Independent Living
Run by and for disabled people. Provides information on living independently and employing personal assistants and care workers.
Tel: 020 7587 1663
National Debtline
A national helpline and website for people with debts‚ giving self-help advice‚ counselling and support over the telephone. Sends out free information packs.
Tel: 0808 808 4000 (free call)
Pensions Advisory Service
Information and support service about occupational and private pensions.
Tel: 0845 601 2923 (lo-call rate)
Pension Service
For details of state pensions‚ including forecasts and how to claim your pension.
Tel: 0845 60 60 265 (lo-call rate)
State Pension Forecasting Team: 0845 3000 168 (lo-call rate)
Principal Probate Registry
Information and advice on dealing with an estate and contact details for local probate registries.
Tel: 020 7947 6983 (national call rate)
Probate and Inheritance Tax helpline:
0845 30 20 900 (lo-call rate)
Resolution
Association of specialist family law solicitors who follow a code of practice that promotes a non-confrontational approach to family law.
Tel: 01689 820272 (national call rate)
Household Management
Lists helpful tips and advice‚ from recipes to how to order your household tasks.
What should I do now?
If you would like more information on the issues in this guide please call the Age Concern Information Line free on 0800 00 99 66.
You can order free paper copies of all our information guides through our online Information Guide order form.
We also publish books covering many of the above issues. Browse our online bookshop.
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